


Pet Therapy

by Anonymous



Category: Kick Buttowski
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Kendall has a Cyclops Cat named Polyphemus, so many pets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-11 23:04:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7911037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grown-up, cohabitating Kick and Kendall have a serious talk about all the animals Kick keeps bring home.<br/>It's so serious they have it in the coat closet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pet Therapy

Kendall had thought she’d known what she was getting into when she started dating her childhood crush, Kick Buttowski- now a grown man and world famous daredevil. She’d learned a lot about the adrenaline junky during their shared youth. And, yeah, maybe she’d learned a fair portion of it by taking a page out of Jackie’s book and using less than legal means. In the hormone-addled throes of her early adolescence, privacy hadn’t seemed all that important. Kick was many things- a daredevil, still quite quite short, surprisingly handy with vehicles, even more surprisingly good at managing his money, continued best friends forever with Gunther, an amazing kisser- but the blonde had never expected him to be such an animal lover.

The first time he’d brought a stray home, Kendall was shocked and even charmed. It was, what she had assumed was, a rare moment of insight into his softer side. She’d said yes to keeping the one-eyed cat he’d been cradling so lovingly in his arms in their shared condo. The blonde had always been a cat person so she’d already been predisposed to say, “yes,” name the cyclops cat Precious or Polyphemus, and pamper that kitty till the day it grew too fat to walk on it’s own feet. Darwin, did she love Polyphemus. Kendall and that cat had spent many a night together, curled up on the couch, reading.

Of course, her opinion shifted somewhat when, the next month, Kick returned with a snake wrapped around his shoulders and a pleaful pout on his face because the poor guy was abandoned by his previous owner and _you should see what this guy could do on a skateboard_. With her rescued cyclops cat snuggled in her lap, Kendall Perkins M.D. couldn’t bring herself to deny this new face a home with them- hopefully only temporarily as three (Kick, Polyphemus, and herself) had felt like the perfect number for this little makeshift family. Kendall was always given the joyful task of assigning names to pets (because Kick’s taste in names had not improved since Dr. Awesome), and so Nagini joined the Buttowski Perkins household. It took a little while, but the blonde adjusted and found a four member family functioned just as well as the previous three.

And then Kick had walked through the doorway with a parrot who wouldn’t stop shrieking “AWESOME!” and Kendall began to notice a pattern. Kick, in truth, had a severe fondness for animals, especially strays, on whom he showered affection, the likes of which even Kendall had never experienced. Perhaps it was irrational for a very successful female surgeon to envy a three-legged turtle Kick had taken a special liking to. But then, seeing the way the daredevil gingerly held the reptile while winding endless tales of greatness and chaotic energy for the creature to nod off to, Kendall couldn’t help but feel her jealousy was justified. He never treated her so gently, so sweetly- likely because he knew she didn’t need to be. It didn’t stop her from wanting to be pampered like a paraplegic turtle. Sometimes, the blonde wondered if she needed a therapist because of thoughts like that.

It was around the twentieth time he’d brought a stray home- a large tarantula perched proudly atop his helmet- when Kendall had had enough. She set down Polyphemus, stepped over Nagini, squeezed past barking twin poodles, Antipholus and Dromio, shushed Paul Revere, and pushed an excited Bill Nye away from the door with her foot, all before leveling her boyfriend with a glare.

“What?” He asked as his head tilted to the side much like their deaf Labrador often did. The blonde was incredulous as to how a grown man could be so cute.

“What?” Kendall hissed as she threw her arms in the air, careful not to jostle the cage hanging from the ceiling- Marie Antoinette was sleeping. “We need to have a serious talk,” she said in a low voice. Kick stayed silent, motioning for her to continue. “Not here, in front of them!” Grabbing the man by the collar, Kendall hauled him into the coat closet- the only room that had no animal residents. He managed to set the tarantula down on a bookshelf outside just before she slammed the door shut, leaving the two in cramped darkness.

“What did you want to talk about?” Her boyfriend asked in the sweet, velvety deep voice he had that never failed to send shivers down her-

“We need to talk about the animals,” Kendall said bluntly. Kick recoiled. The blonde had not been his first girlfriend and she doubted that she was the first to have this conversation with him.

“They need homes!” He declared, suddenly on the defensive.

“Obviously,” Kendall agreed immediately with a quick roll of her eyes. “The problem is that we can’t provide a home for _all_ of them.” She’d been very careful with her word choice. Polyphemus was staying. Kick, the adorable man, was still confused. “Look, between both of our very demanding jobs, neither of us are here all that frequently. We hire a team of pet sitters and they can barely manage to keep some of our animals from eating each other.” With a sigh, she met his steely gaze with one of her own. “Kick, we can’t give them the home they deserve. They need to be somewhere with more space where their owners aren’t constantly touring or getting called to work 24/7. They need to be somewhere where they don’t need to worry about getting eaten by a cat with one eye or a greyhound with a teething problem.”

She’d won. She didn’t have to hear any response to know that she’d won. There was a slight waver in his eyes, a hesitant realization that _of course she’s right, she’s Kendall, Kendall is always right_. He huffed and his shoulders fell. Kick leaned back against the wall of the closet as he gave her control. “What do we do?”

She bit her lip to keep a smile from blossoming on her face. A childish part of her still relished every time she won, every time he conceded to her in the constant back and forth power struggle that was their relationship. “Your reputation should come quite in handy, actually. Using your fame and some of your profits, it would be incredibly easy to set up a nonprofit shelter for all these animals you keep finding. In addition, your high profile reputation and fans will ensure that people frequently visit the shelter and adopt. For some of your more… unique finds, there can be a branch that functions more as a preserve than an adoption center. It’ll be a place where they can all live out their lives happily.” Kendall smiled proudly at her ingenious plan.

“I’m going to miss them,” Kick huffed out as surprisingly tired eyes tried to bore through the closet door and look at the large family that lay beyond it. “It’ll be so much more quiet without them.” A small smirk graced his face as he quirked an eyebrow at his girlfriend. “But, then again, you’ll still be here so I guess it won’t be all _that_ quiet.”

“Ha ha,” Kendall said monotonously as she crossed her arms over her chest, a task that had been more arduous than anticipated because of the tight closet space. “Very funny, Clarence. I should point out though, we’re keeping Polyphemus. That cat and I are soulmates. We cannot be separated lest the fates decree that we have a star-crossed destiny, in which we drown in our sorrows.” Her boyfriend completely ignored her poetic interlude. Anytime she pulled out something that sounded a little too much like Shakespeare, the daredevil knew that she was just teasing him- or trying to distract him.

“So you get to keep one?” He asked cheekily as he pushed off the wall to pull closer to her. Kendall, caught off guard, stumbled backwards into the opposite wall as he crowded her in the already very cramped space.

“Obviously, you can keep one too,” the blonde answered, trying to keep the tremors in her knees from manifesting in her voice. Honestly, they’d been dating for so long, they’d lived together for months, he shouldn’t still be able to do this to her. Reaching a shaking hand out under his arm, both of which now boxed her in against the wall, Kendall felt the cool metal of the door knob underneath her fingertips. A quick twist of the knob and a cry of “soleus!” as she knocked her ankle into the corresponding muscle, was enough to push him off balance as she squeezed past him back into the open.

“Wha- Kendall?!” Kick managed to sputter as she patted invisible dust off herself and ran a few fingers through her hair to calm it down. Sauntering back to her spot on the couch with Polyphemus as though she hadn’t just been in a tiny, dark closet with her boyfriend, the surgeon gave him a curt glance over her shoulder.

“You should really start working on deciding who it is you’re going to keep,” she called back haughtily before curling up with her book and cat. “It won’t be an easy decision. Good luck, Clarence.” With that, she refused to pay any more attention to the man still standing in the coat closet.

Realizing the truth behind her words, Kick grumbled and headed towards the kitchen, likely to make himself something to eat while he mulled over which of his many family members he’d be keeping. Kendall, to her credit, managed to stay entirely focused on her novel and Polyphemus, not distracting her boyfriend no matter how much she wanted to drag him over to the couch to sit with her so she could rest against his side, warm and muscled. A cat, a book, and Kick- it’d be perfect.

It had been a few hours when Kick returned to the living room. He plopped down on the couch next to her, causing Polyphemus to bounce in the air briefly, before he glanced over at his girlfriend. A beer he’d been nursing was set down on the coffee table only to be immediately picked up and put on top of a coaster after a curt glare from Kendall. The blonde raised a single eyebrow as he stared at the wall determinedly.

“I’ve decided,” the daredevil announced as he turned to face her. Kendall stayed silent as his icy blue eyes bored into her. “I’m keeping Master Roshi.” So, it might’ve been a bit of a lie to say that Kendall had named all of their pets. In truth, she had named all but one. Roshi. Of course it was fucking Roshi. Apparently her emotions were showing on her face. “What?” Kick asked for the umpteenth time that night- still just as cute as the first time.

“What do you mean, what?” Kendall tried to be nonchalant as she buried her face in her book.

“You were making a face… do you have a problem with Master Roshi?” The daredevil sounded genuinely bewildered by the thought. “I partially chose him because I knew he wouldn’t be a problem with Poly because they don’t fight or try to eat each other. What could you possibly have against Master Roshi?”

The blonde hunched her shoulders as she tried to meld her novel to her face- with any luck, she’d succeed and Kick would never see the embarrassment written plainly on her face. Fucking Roshi. “I don’t have a problem. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Kendall,” the man groaned as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her up against him. Polyphemus mewled in what was probably bemusement at the situation. A cat watching her pitiful owner, a book covering her face, and Kick pressed against her, seconds away from finding out one of her best kept secrets- not nearly as perfect as she’d thought it’d be. “Talk to me,” Kick pleaded.

Kendall made the mistake of glancing at him from over the edge of her book. _That face_. “Promise not to laugh,” she hissed, eyebrows scrunching as she leveled him with a glare. 

“Uh, sure,” the daredevil agreed easily, certainly not aware of the gravity of the situation.

“It’s just- ugh, of course you’d pick the turtle,” Kendall said as she buried her face into the book with renewed vigor. She was very glad this wasn’t a library book.

“What do you have against turtles?” Kick asked, making a genuine effort to understand his girlfriend.

“Not turtles, just _that turtle_ ,” the blonde declared, momentarily caught up in dramatics. Throwing her arms in the air gracelessly and a rather distracted mind resulted in a loose grip that let the novel soar across the room before landing with a thump against the wall. The loud, hard sound it made when it hit the ground caught the attention of both humans as they directed their gaze towards it. Coincidentally, standing directly next to where the book landed was Master Roshi himself, the three-legged turtle that tugged on all of Kendall’s insecurities.

So, of course, Kick unintentionally made it worse. His eyes lit up at the sight of the box turtle and he vaulted expertly over the back of the couch, sliding to a stop right in front of the reptile. Gently lifting the creature into his hands, he carried the turtle back to the couch to join the family meeting he, Kendall, and Polyphemus had been having. The heartfelt little grin he wore as he marveled at the turtle in his hands, killed the blonde.

“This is what I’m talking about!” Kendall cried out as she scooted to the far end of the couch, away from her boyfriend.

“What?” Kick had asked that single question entirely too many times this evening. He was starting to get sick of being so confused.

“I am ninety percent sure that you love that turtle more than me and I am not comfortable with how jealous that makes me!” Kendall spat before she could stop herself.

“You’re jealous of a turtle?” The daredevil asked, not entirely sure his girlfriend was serious.

“I need therapy because of that turtle,” the surgeon said tiredly as she pulled Polyphemus into her lap.

“You’re jealous because you think I like Roshi more than you?” Kick repeated.

“Polyphemus,” Kendall mumbled, satisfied with ignoring her boyfriend for the time being, “you’re so fluffy.” Kendall rubbed her cheek against the side of Poly’s head. “Such good pet therapy. That article in Psychology Today about fur texture was totally right.” In turn, the cyclops cat purred into the blonde’s touch.

What Kendall hadn’t been paying attention to was Kick’s expression. His confused frown had morphed into a wide grin. “Kendall.”

Her eyes darted up to him and she balked at the sight of his smirk. “You said you wouldn’t laugh!”

“Who’s laughing?” Kick asked seriously as he inched closer to her with a predatory flash in her eyes. “We need to have a _very serious _talk about how much I love you.” Years upon years of stunts ensured his flawless landing as he pounced atop her, face now inches from her own.__

__Just as he was leaning in for a kiss (or ten, who was counting, really?), Kendall swatted his face away from hers. “Not in front of the children!” She hissed, motioning to the horde of animals around them._ _

__Easily standing up and then lifting his girlfriend into his arms with a princess carry, Kick sent the woman a grin. “Back into the coat closet it is.”_ _


End file.
